Lovers Less Wild

"So could you love this bastard child
though I don’t trust you to provide
with one hand in a pot of gold
and with the other in your side
I am so easily satisfied
by the call of lovers less wild
that I would take a little cash
over your very flesh and blood"
"Wedding Dress" Derek Webb

Grace is not cheap. And as we move through Holy Week its really easy to think it is, to skip right to Easter-but this grace comes at an unfathomable cost. We don't like to talk about the hard stuff- but this week we need to. This week we have to confront the reality that the grace we live on was bought with the blood of our Savior. Not some metaphorical, abstract blood- the real gory blood. The real agonizing pain. The real tears of Jesus.

For that infinitely expensive grace- what do we give? Do we ever really trust? love? follow?

Do we deserve this grace? I don't.

As much as I'd like to believe otherwise- if I were with Jesus this week, I would've walked away just like the disciples. I want to say that I am better and strong than that- but I know I'm not. I can go to all the church services this week and I can fast, but I will never deserve this grace. I will alway be that bastard child- and every single day that I live I will be the reason for Jesus' death.