Do not fear, for I am your God

It's hard for me to believe that tomorrow (or perhaps today by the time I've finished writing this) is the last Sunday of Lent. Ash Wednesday seems like just days ago, rather than many weeks ago. At the beginning of this journey I chose a word to see me through Lent, and tied a ribbon to my wrist to keep it with me.

In retrospect, this has been a time of deep healing. The beginning of Lent count not have been better timed- it began right as my grandparents' health problems and my family life as a whole imploded.

The call during the first week of Lent saying that the doctors thought my grandpa might not make it completely broadsided me. The one thing I was completely unequipped to deal with was suddenly brought to the forefront of my life. Not only that, I was also fighting to keep the family from falling apart. The problem was I was falling apart and moreover absolutely beyond the point terrified.

But Tyler brought up an interesting facet of fear. Fear is always based on the future, the what if. Fear is never grounded in the present. "God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and love" (2 Tim 1:7). So, in the words of Tyler, I chose to do everything in my power to "curl up into the fetal position." The word I chose for lent before this even began ended up being exactly what I have relied on for the past five weeks- Grace. Difficult was it is, I decided to fall into grace, rather than into fear.

"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10

There has been a whole lot of healing (physically and emotionally) for my family and I this Lent. But Biblically speaking, 40 days is a time of preparation and though I've made progress as we're nearing the end of lent I have no idea what I have been prepared for. I made a decision to put my family first and I am incredibly glad that I did. Now that that is no longer a necessity and I've had a chance to catch my breath I realize I have no idea where I am headed. But alas, the 40 days aren't over just yet, who knows what may happen before then (especially after Shane Claiborne kicks my butt some more this Monday). A new direction may be coming yet.

A Preface

I have to preface this whole experiment by saying I have a feeling it may be a bad idea. Taken at face value this (throwing all of my spiritual ponderings onto the internet for the world to read) isn't such a great idea. However, I realize that I am missing certain aspects of accountability in my life. Scriptural study and journaling are two things I really need to work on and in the absence of a community to keep me accountable I figure this is, if nothing else, a good way to remain accountable to myself.

I'll say right now that my faith is truly a journey and constantly transforming. A few months from now I'm sure I'll eat many of my words as I continue to wrestle with the gospels- but don't we all?